Parenting is hard, but parenting is worth it. Add in adoption, and you’ve got parenting with an added twist. You’re not just parenting, but you’re navigating through conversations you wouldn’t be having if you had birthed your child.
In our case, we have an adopted child who knows his biological parents, and an adopted child who won’t have that opportunity unless she so chooses once she graduates from high school. We have an adopted child whose parents chose to place him in our care, and we have an adopted child whose parents did not choose us; the government did. That certainly makes for some interesting conversations in our household.
Right now as we’re trying to adjust to life’s changes, we’re navigating through some familiar and in other ways, unfamiliar territory. We’re trying to help our children bond as brother and sister (I confess seeing how they antagonize each other reminds me a lot of my brother and me when we were young…there is hope yet!). We’re trying to keep our marriage healthy. We’re trying to make up for the years we’ve lost with our daughter. We’re trying to carve out quality time with our son.
Each week something will surface that was underneath for our boy – be it in his play or his conversation – and we think to ourselves – we’ve barely scratched the surface. We’ve had some victories when it comes to positive memories with his sister: playing with stuffed animals, helping me cook, and even teeth brushing with “mouth washing parties,” but we’ve also had some setbacks. Conversations that make my eyes well up with tears. I have to keep telling myself it has only been 2 weeks.
Each week something will surface that was underneath for our girl – be in in her play or her conversation – and we think to ourselves – we’ve barely scratched the surface. We’ve had some victories when it comes to eating meals, fixing hair, and truth telling, but we’ve also had some setbacks. Circumstances that make my eyes well up with tears. I have to keep telling myself it has only been 2 weeks.
In August we got the call. In September we met her. In October she moved in. In November we’re trying to “find our feet.” I am grateful for adoptive leave. Although my child is older, there are still major adjustments to be made and my husband and kids need me at home. These are crucial days to the well being of our family unit.
We have certainly appreciated the kind words, surprise gifts, full tank of gas, and other gestures of kindness. We also appreciate those of you who have expressed as much interest in our son as in our daughter. Most kids have 9 months to prepare and they still have a hard time. In the short amount of time we had, we were driving back and forth constantly between her foster home and our home, juggling work, and juggling both kids trying to make sure both felt secure in their relationship with us.
There is much to be said. In time that will come, but for now, I wanted to say thanks. We are exhausted on many levels, but we’re still breathing. We’re still here. God is seeing us through.
Adoption is hard, but adoption is worth it.