It’s true…I’m getting the “fever” again. Baby fever. Which for someone who hasn’t been able to get pregnant is really kind of ironic. Just this past Sunday I was watching a young couple with their baby when I said to Ben, “Doesn’t it make you want another one?” You can guess his response, “Not really.” That’s my Ben though. Until that little being is staring him in the face, he doesn’t really dream like I do. The truth of the matter is, we both believe James is meant to be a big brother. How that is going to happen – only the Lord knows at this point, but doesn’t it make you excited to think about how it might happen? Correction: …how it WILL happen?
A few posts back I had written about feeling the need to wait. We are still waiting in a sense, but recently the Lord has given me a renewed passion for pursuing adoption again and also for inquiring about my health.
With regards to my health, my doctor is currently checking in to see about getting me another referal in Halifax – only this time with someone who actually specializes in endometriosis and who doesn’t work at a fertility clinic. I just want to have an opinion from someone who really knows the disease and who isn’t trying to sell me their “product.” I had recently asked my doctor on a whim if he knew of any endometriosis specialists, thinking I’d get the usual answer some other doctors have given me, but I was surprised when he said he knew of potentially a couple. Then, he asked me to book another appointment so I could fill him in on my medical history. I have since done that and am waiting for a referral. So, we’ll see what happens. I have to say though, that even if the Lord chose to heal me, I would still want to adopt again unless the Lord let that fire die.
With regards to adoption, I am currently looking for answers provincially and internationally. It’s like a renewed passion, and what I love about it this time is that even though it will be an emotional and by times frustrating journey, I have a son named James to enjoy and to remind me that it’s worth hoping and praying for.
Provincially I have yet to receive answers. I tried to contact one social worker more than a month ago about our P.R.I.D.E. file and received no response. I’ve tried to phone another one and have had the same outcome. I won’t give up until I find out what has happened to our file and what it might take to update it. This would not be for infant adoption, so our preference would be for a child under 5 years of age. Our name is on the list for infant adoption, which remember, is a 7-8 year wait. By that time I’ll be 38. And in reality, if we choose to adopt again, they would bump us down the list again…so unless the Lord directly intervenes, provincial infant adoption probably won’t occur.
International adoption has really caught my interest again. This has to be the Lord at work because I really didn’t think this might be an option for us. I have a renewed hope. I e-mailed a social worker about it just last week and heard back from her within minutes. It would take $300 to update our home study. Ben and I are seriously looking into the possibility of this. What we are trying to find out is if we can do so without having to go through an agency. When you go through an agency, you incur a lot of extra expenses. We have also been “burned” in the past by an adoption agency. There is a potential country we have in mind since we’ve heard about some other people adopting from there directly through a Christian orphanage. We’ve actually heard of 2 different legit orphanages in this country that people from either the US or Canada have adopted from. I’m going to keep you in suspense about the country at this point until we get some more answers to see if it actually might be a possibility. Right now, we’re just trying to see if we can get into contact with these families. So, we’re very much in the beginning stages.
I will admit that it is scary: getting your hopes up only to realize they may be disappointed, but then, isn’t that what happens to me…month after month after month when I’m not pregnant? You see, doctors haven’t told me I couldn’t get pregnant or carry a child to full term. Yes, the “odds” are not in my favor, but who needs odds when you serve the Lord? Have you seen my son lately? Do you know how he came to us? If not, you need to go a few blogs back and find out. God works in ways that we can’t even dream or imagine.
So I’m dreaming again…dreaming big for my little man James and for my family. James deserves to be a big brother, and since adoption can take 2 or more years, it’s time to see what doors will open and what ones will close. Be praying! The Canney’s are about to embark on another “adventure!”