Adoption #1 complete. Adoption #2 pending.

So you’ve probably been wondering, “What does that mean? Adoption #1 complete. Adoption #2 pending.”  Indeed, what does that mean?  The definition of “pending” is “awaiting decision or settlement,” and so, when it comes to a sibling for our sweet baby James (who won’t be a baby much longer), that is exactly what we are doing – awaiting decision or settlement.

You see, it seems that we are currently at a stand still as to what we are to do.  Adoption is a long and grueling process with many twists and turns, and depending on what option you choose there are various factors that weigh into the decisions you have to make.  Prior to having James there was no doubt that International adoption was the best option for us…until our agency went bankrupt.  Now when I think about International Adoption I get nervous – not just about an agency but about adoption fees.  There really aren’t that many International adoption agencies within Canada, and when it comes to fees, I currently don’t want to work full time because I want to be home with my son, but since we have a debt we’re trying to pay off and a vehicle we need to save up for, I’m working 2 jobs so that I can be home more and have my weekends (FYI – as a full time teacher I eat, breath, and sleep teaching, so it really isn’t an option for me right now). Currently I substitute teach and then I work part-time as Dave Klob’s assistant at Bethany Bible College in the Music Department. Although it will take longer to pay our debt off and save for things this way, it does give me the flexibility I need to be home with my son.  Yes, I know God can provide the funds for International adoption, but I admit I lack faith after having been burned by an agency that we were encouraged to trust.

Adoption in province, as mentioned before, can take 7-8 years, and after adopting James they bumped us further down the list so we’re back at square one there.  We’ve taken the PRIDE course (adoption of older children) and would consider adopting a child under the age of 5 if the circumstances seemed right, but at the same time, we’d prefer for James to be the oldest (unless the Lord makes it clear otherwise), so we’re at a stand still there as well.

As for me getting pregnant, that’s for the Lord to decide.  Ben and I will have been married for 8 years this coming June. I haven’t been told I can’t get pregnant, but I have been told that I’m at risk for a tubal pregnancy since I only have one “good” tube – if you’d call it that. It’s crooked and bent from the endometriosis and who knows what the disease has done since that diagnosis. We ‘re told we make great candidates for in vitro, but at a cost of $15,000 with a small percentage of actual “take home” circumstances, it never was really an option for us. In fact, that’s why we chose to go International in the first place. If we were going to have to pay a large amount of money, we wanted to put it into children who were already born and in need of a home.

I know God has the power to heal me, but when I look at James I wouldn’t trade him for anything, and so I know that whatever God decides – no matter how long or hard the process may be – that will be what is God’s best for us. And so, right now we feel as though we’re suppose to wait upon the Lord. And as you all know, waiting is hard. I guess the difference in waiting this time is that we have a beautiful, healthy boy to love, cherish and be thankful for. So if for some reason all doors close and our family doesn’t grow, we will continue to count our blessings.  Sometimes people offer their opinions in the midst of your waiting time, and although people mean well, it can be discouraging.  Here are just a few opinions recently given to us:

Comment/Opinion #1 – “You don’t want to adopt in province. Those children have so much baggage. In fact, they could ruin your family. I know of a family whose adopted child ruined them.”  Yes, I have heard the horror stories, but I’ve also heard the success ones – just as I did with a private adoption.  Might I remind you you’re talking to the woman who is friends with her son’s biological mother, and yes, some people still don’t get it.

Comment/Opinion #2 – “You should be thankful for your one. Count your blessings. You shouldn’t become too concerned with having another one.”  Yes, I am thankful for my one. I always will be thankful for James. I have never resented my sleepless nights or tiresome days, and in every season of his growth and development I will love him and cherish him.  Why is it that when we adopt, we are asked to not think about having another and yet when a woman can conceive children people are asking, “So when do you plan to have another one?”  People don’t say, “Be thankful you have one healthy child.  You really shouldn’t try for another.”

Comment/Opinion #3: “International adoption is too risky and too expensive. Why bother.”  Yes, I know this too because we’ve been burned, and I really don’t know if I can get my mind settled on it again.  God will have to make it VERY clear if that is what we are to do, so that I don’t get discouraged by opinions such as these.

In all honesty, I really don’t want James to be an only child.  Maybe that’s selfish of me for wanting more than one child.  Yet “Is anything too difficult for the Lord?”  Genesis 18:14.  No.  It isn’t.  Have you met my son James? Have you heard how God brought him to us?  When I look at how God brought James into our lives, no matter how shaky my faith may seem right now when it comes to a sibling for him, I have to believe.  I know God will lay the ground work and prepare our hearts for this next phase of our journey – whatever the outcome.  The outcome may not be what we want or how we had imagined things to be, but in time, God will enable us to see that His way is best.  He did it before, and He will do it again.  He will prove himself faithful.

And for the record – Ben and I would do it all over again.  The doctor’s appointments, the surgery, the various adoption sessions, the bankrupt agency, the private adoption..EVERY SINGLE STEP was worth it.  We love you James Benjamin.  To God be the glory.

 

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Categories: Uncategorized | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Adoption #1 complete. Adoption #2 pending.

  1. Kayla

    I “like” this 😉

  2. Karen

    It’s so hard when you want a big family. It would be wonderful if you could give sweet baby James a sibling. We thought that there wouldn’t be any Canney babies and then God had other ideas. He’s still working on a plan for you, Ben and James. He will give you direction in what road He wants you to take. We will be praying for you as you continue in God’s will. You are very blessed with James and we are so happy that you have him.

  3. Tracy

    The last few lines of your post brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

  4. Melanie McElhinney

    Thanks for sharing your struggles & frustrations with us, Sarah. I can relate to some, especially the “you should be grateful” and “they can ruin our home” opinions. For us, it’s never been about a dissatisfaction with our family as it is. It’s about that (or those) kids out there dealing with Cystic Fibrosis all by themselves, and that we’re a safe place, when their home may not have been. We’re on hold for now, until God tells us clearly that it’s time to move forward, and He provides the funds to do it (as there aren’t any such children in Canada that we know of). So we wait. I applaud your courage and openness.

  5. I love this post! God has blessed you and will continue to bless you! Whether His plan is for you to have more children or not, He knows what lies ahead and I know He doesn’t dissapoint! Praying that God continues to reveal his plan for you and your family!

  6. Laura

    OHHHH I Hear ya! Praying for you sister! I’m glad that if nothing else happens that you have James now. That’s what I keep telling myself. If God doesn’t give us another then at least we have Elijah. God blesses us and he has blessed us both so abundantly.
    We are praying for you, Ben and James and that God will direct the next steps.
    Love ya
    Laura

  7. Kristina

    Thank you for sharing, especially comment #2. It’s so true how people don’t realize that they ask those who can (easily) conceive when the next one is coming & not towards those who adopt, struggle and such. They may want a multiple child family too. Thank you again for sharing your story.

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