About 2 years ago, March 26, 2008, I posted on my personal blog an article entitled “A New King of Normal” in which I explained how my surgery went and how there wasn’t much hope of me conceiving a child. I wrote:
“In my openness God has brought people into my life that have been able to relate or who are working through the process of possible infertility. I have been entrusted with this – whether it be for a time or for my life, and you know what? I’m okay. It’s okay if I can’t conceive. You can hope it for me and pray it for me – as I still do so myself, but ultimately the Lord will have His way, and His way will be the best way for me. I have to admit, in my state of sadness in the hospital I apologized to my husband as the reality that fertility was harder to grasp was on my mind, but he wouldn’t have it. He loves me – body issues and all, and he is actually excited about adopting – what a blessing! On the way home, my heart ached. I so desperately want to be a mom. But my journey is not in vain. It’s been given to me to make me stronger.
How could I ever question God? The same God who opened the womb of Sarah in the Old Testament, the same God who parted the red sea, the same God who healed the lame, is the same God who is in my life today. He will not give me more than I can bear.”
Now, 2 years later I have a beautiful healthy son who will be 2 months old tomorrow. It seemed as if out of nowhere, God brought James’ birth mom, Wendy, into our lives. When I look back I can see how He fit the pieces of this puzzle together, and I am simply amazed. This is now my new kind of normal:
-Waking up to the stirring of a little one who is waiting to eat and listening to him coo and look at me wide eyed while he drinks his meal.
-Seeing my husband off to work and trying to juggle house work with personal interests in amongst feedings and playing with James.
-Spending evenings with my husband and our son be it home or going out to eat/shop/walk.
-Making more of an effort to have time for myself so that I can be the best I can be at being a wife and mother.
-Thanking God every day for this blessing and praying that He will continue to bless, for I truly believe that James isn’t meant to be an only child. How God chooses to bless next will be in His time once again, but by faith I am believing it will happen.
I find it interesting that people assume that after all of the struggles I’ve had to become a mom, they assume that I may not want to adopt again. I suppose that’s normal. Perhaps others of you who have adopted have found that people just figure you are content with one child. Of course I am content with one child, and I assure you I count James a blessing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t dream of more – that I won’t dream of James looking out for a younger brother or sister or of seeing my children (plural) playing outside. I won’t lose hope for myself, and I won’t lose hope for my other friends who have one child and would like another or especially for those who have yet to receive their first born.
Teaching is temporarily on hold. Substitute teaching will come eventually, but it will be limited to a few days a week. Raising my son is my top priority at present along with making sure Ben and I find time for each other in amongst our ever busy lives. We have always been busy people, so really, this just adds to the busyness. One could see it as an added bonus and challenge. It’s just a matter of re-prioritizing things, and we certainly wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m signed up for a baby making food class in May and am looking forward to getting involved in other activities to get to know other moms and kids within the community. I have a new “in” that I didn’t have before and since I’m a social bug, it’ll be a great way for me to get out of the house with James.
We finished our home study this past Tuesday. Our case worker is excellent (as all of them seemed to have been) and has already sent the draft for us to read over. We will sign it next Thursday and then it will be presented to a panel in Saint John on April 13. Once approved it will go to our lawyer and then we’ll hopefully receive a court date so that James can officially become a Canney! We’re not sure what our lawyer fees are yet. In speaking with some other friends who adopted privately, their lawyer fees were $2000, so we’re estimating that by paying our fees and Wendy’s we’re looking at at least $2000-$4000, maybe even more. Thus far we’ve received $595 in money for gifts and we have an additional $600 in the bank that was donated to us for International Adoption before (it was what was left after other adoption fees/expenses), so we have about $1195 for lawyer fees thus far. We are trusting that God will provide. He has been already. What we haven’t received in monetary gifts, we’ve received in clothes and other necessities. Really, the first large purchase of clothes I bought for James were just this past week for Easter (and I bought a few other dress clothes that were on sale for half price for when he is bigger). Sometimes when I look at the bank account I feel a bit stressed as me staying home has made a difference in income, but 2 months in and God hasn’t failed us yet. Our needs are being supplied and we know He will continue to be faithful.
Well, that’s the latest update for now. Thanks for your continued interest and support in our lives. Now on with some pictures!