Both the Provincial and the International adoption paperwork was mailed today.  Tomorrow I’ll make the phone call and pay the $300 to officially reopen our International Adoption file.  Then we’ll wait. We’ll wait for a phone call or a letter explaining the next step of the process which will most likely be a home study.  In this case it will most likely mean 2 home studies:  one for Provincial adoption and one for International adoption.  Then we’ll see what doors open and what doors close.  

I’ve started writing letters to my next child/children.  With Christmas approaching, I’ve been wondering if they’re born yet, where they are living, what kind of life they currently have…I just want to find them and bring them home to be a part of our family.

The waiting isn’t easy, but I will say that with James in the house it is easier.  He is such a delight.  I often forget he is adopted, and I have plans to write him his story in the form of a children’s book.  Another year or so, and I’ll be having a conversation with him which those of you who have biological children never have to think about.  I often point to pictures of his biological mother and tell him who she is, but he’s still quite young to really grasp the concept.  Some people don’t seem to understand why we’d tell him so young, but you’d be amazing how well children adapt.  I want him to feel proud of who he is and of how God brought him to us.  It really is a miraculous story.

I will try to update more often – not just about the adoption, but about the adventures in our household.  James is starting to do some really comical things, and I fear if I don’t write them down I’ll forget them!  Thanks for your patience.  I’m ready to open up my heart again and write.

I have to admit that I have still been hoping God would heal me, but that almost seems too easy, doesn’t it?  I know with God ALL things are possible, so even a large loan to pay for International adoption should be able to get paid off without me having to work full time, right? For some reason the money factor seems like a bigger mountain to me than the healing factor – even with people in our circle of influence offering to help out financially through loans etc. if/when we need it. I thought I had laid the hope of getting pregnant to rest, until all of the “You know so-and-so didn’t think they could have children until they adopted, and then they got pregnant” stories came along.  I guarded my heart.  I built a wall around it and tried to protect that area as much as possible…but then I started to think – maybe that could be us.  But what if it’s not us?  What if I’m never healed? Will you accuse me of having some sin in my life or of not having enough faith to believe? That may sound insensitive, but there are those who hold to that philosophy.What if my purpose is to be barren so that I can pray babies into other families lives? Is that an odd thought?  Why was a friend so burdened for me to get pregnant she fasted gluten with me for an entire year?  Was that all for naught? So many things I’ve been wondering about…

I had asked God to give me a baby at least once before James was born, and He gave me that.  So it seems selfish of me to want anything more when I’ve been blessed in such a huge way.

So I’m wondering…what do we do next?  Finish the paperwork is a start.  I had been all gung-ho and then I lost momentum when I thought Haiti might not happen.  Pray about the $300. Open our Provincial file for a 3-5 year old and pray about that.

Pray that the decisions we make will be right for our whole family – James included.

As for the hope of a pregnancy, I’m selling the “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and other pregnancy related books.  This isn’t to say I won’t hope, but it’s to say I don’t want to look at them anymore.  It’s another area I need to lay to rest.  If I am healed, I’m sure it won’t be hard to find those books again.  Besides, my sister Maridel is a walking encyclopedia, and I know whatever the circumstances she’ll be happy to answer my questions

There is comfort in knowing the Lord knows what we need.  I just need to stop wondering and start praying more specifically for wisdom and understanding.  If God had given me what I wanted, WHEN I wanted it, I wouldn’t have James, and I wouldn’t be who I am.  It’s obvious You know what is best for me.

So I surrender Lord.  I choose to be content in all my circumstances.  I choose to trust You as Jehovah-Jireh – my provider – in ALL areas of my life and the life of my family.

A few posts back I had written about feeling the need to wait.  We are still waiting in a sense, but recently the Lord has given me a renewed passion for pursuing adoption again and also for inquiring about my health.

With regards to my health, my doctor is currently checking in to see about getting me another referal in Halifax – only this time with someone who actually specializes in endometriosis and who doesn’t work at a fertility clinic. I just want to have an opinion from someone who really knows the disease and who isn’t trying to sell me their “product.”  I had recently asked my doctor on a whim if he knew of any endometriosis specialists, thinking I’d get the usual answer some other doctors have given me, but I was surprised when he said he knew of potentially a couple.  Then, he asked me to book another appointment so I could fill him in on my medical history.  I have since done that and am waiting for a referral. So, we’ll see what happens.  I have to say though, that even if the Lord chose to heal me, I would still want to adopt again unless the Lord let that fire die.

With regards to adoption, I am currently looking for answers provincially and internationally.  It’s like a renewed passion, and what I love about it this time is that even though it will be an emotional and by times frustrating journey, I have a son named James to enjoy and to remind me that it’s worth hoping and praying for.

Provincially I have yet to receive answers.  I tried to contact one social worker more than a month ago about our P.R.I.D.E. file and received no response.  I’ve tried to phone another one and have had the same outcome.  I won’t give up until I find out what has happened to our file and what it might take to update it.  This would not be for infant adoption, so our preference would be for a child under 5 years of age. Our name is on the list for infant adoption, which remember, is a 7-8 year wait.  By that time I’ll be 38.  And in reality, if we choose to adopt again, they would bump us down the list again…so unless the Lord directly intervenes, provincial infant adoption probably won’t occur.

International adoption has really caught my interest again. This has to be the Lord at work because I really didn’t think this might be an option for us. I have a renewed hope. I e-mailed a social worker about it just last week and heard back from her within minutes.  It would take $300 to update our home study. Ben and I are seriously looking into the possibility of this.  What we are trying to find out is if we can do so without having to go through an agency. When you go through an agency, you incur a lot of extra expenses.  We have also been “burned” in the past by an adoption agency. There is a potential country we have in mind since we’ve heard about some other people adopting from there directly through a Christian orphanage. We’ve actually heard of 2 different legit orphanages in this country that people from either the US or Canada have adopted from. I’m going to keep you in suspense about the country at this point until we get some more answers to see if it actually might be a possibility.  Right now, we’re just trying to see if we can get into contact with these families. So, we’re very much in the beginning stages.

I will admit that it is scary: getting your hopes up only to realize they may be disappointed, but then, isn’t that what happens to me…month after month after month when I’m not pregnant?  You see, doctors haven’t told me I couldn’t get pregnant or carry a child to full term. Yes, the “odds” are not in my favor, but who needs odds when you serve the Lord?  Have you seen my son lately? Do you know how he came to us? If not, you need to go a few blogs back and find out. God works in ways that we can’t even dream or imagine.

So I’m dreaming again…dreaming big for my little man James and for my family. James deserves to be a big brother, and since adoption can take 2 or more years, it’s time to see what doors will open and what ones will close. Be praying!  The Canney’s are about to embark on another “adventure!”

"I love grapes!"

My son James absolutely loves fruit.  From the time he started eating solids, as we were introducing him to new fruit we discovered that there was a small joy for him in holding a banana, licking an apple, or holding on to a honey-dew melon peel. In fact, during his birthday weekend he was more excited about grapes than he was about his cake and ice cream. We’ve recently discovered that leaving fruit on the cupboard is risky because it results in him pointing to it repeatedly and saying “ooooo” in hopes that we’ll hand it over.  Currently we have bananas hidden on the cupboard!

Our most recent trip to the grocery store involved us buying a pear for him to gnaw on while we shopped. It kept him happy and occupied.  Seriously, who needs toys when you have fruit?  And so now, for your viewing pleasure, the one, the only, James Benjamin showing you that eating healthy is indeed a joy!

February 25, 2011 - My little man loves to shop and eat fruit at the same time!

Enjoying his pear while grocery shopping!

This morning I woke up to the sweet sound of you playing and jibber-jabbering in your crib. It was 4:45 AM, and I was reminded that a year ago this very day, I woke up to a much different sound: silence.  I had hardly slept the night before in anticipation of your arrival. Our bags were packed, and when we left the house for the hospital it was still dark.  A bitterly cold morning, we drove to meet with Almira who would be coming along to pray in the waiting room with all of your family. You were going to be born in Moncton, New Brunswick. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast, but I remember being so nervous we had to stop at the Irving in Salisbury so I could go to the washroom. My stomach was unsettled. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. I had wanted to get your Daddy and my on video on the way to the hospital, but was disappointed to discover that in the midst of all of our preparation we had forgotten to put a tape into the camera bag. That is why there is no video tape of the day you were born. Perhaps it was only meant to be captured in photographs.

When we arrived at the hospital, your Auntie Wendy, who is your biological Mommy, was already gowned up and getting prepped for her C-section (surgery). Nanny Sandy was with her, but left and allowed us to have some time together. It was only the day before that I had watched them take blood from your Auntie in preparation for today and had no problems, but my anxiousness got the best of me when I watched them give her an IV for the surgery, and as a result I passed out!  I remember waking to the sound of a nurse saying, “Could somebody help me?” only to discover it was I who was in need of help!  Needless to say, your Daddy found it quite amusing when he came into the hospital room to find both your Auntie Wendy and myself with cold presses on our foreheads and looking rather peaked.  I could tell the nurses were concerned about whether or not I would be strong enough to support Wendy in the delivery room, and I was worried myself about how things would go. I have never passed out before, so that just goes to show how anxious I was to meet you. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to be in the delivery room for your arrival due to my nerves, but I wanted so badly to be there. I prayed and prayed and in the process drank the lemonade they gave me in hopes that the sugar would do its work and perk me up.  Your poor Auntie Wendy must have been worried herself. Would I be the support she needed?

It was almost time to go into the room for surgery. They suited me up, and gave me an opportunity to go out and see the family. Here is a picture your Nana Crockett took of me:

I asked your Daddy if he wanted to go in to pray with us before we went in for surgery, but he was far too nervous. He could hardly speak.

Nervous about becoming a Daddy!

So off I went. They took your Auntie in first to get her ready for the surgery, and then they eventually told me I could go in – camera and all. Since I had been weak with nerves and emotion, they gave me a chair to sit on next to your Auntie Wendy. I couldn’t see what they were doing to get you out of her tummy, and since I was worried watching would make me pass out again, I sat and held Wendy’s hand, praying silently as we both waited for your arrival.

9:48 AM we both heard your cries for the first time. The doctor told me I could stand and take a picture. I did, but I won’t post it on here as it’s quite personal seeing you fresh out of the womb! I immediately began crying and telling Wendy how perfect and beautiful you were. She was crying too. They took you into a nearby room to check you over, but I stayed with your Auntie telling her how proud I was of her. Then they brought you out and handed you to me, and she and I both looked at you in awe. James Benjamin – that is the name your Daddy and I had chosen, and that is the name your Auntie Wendy and I knew was meant for you at that moment as we watched you in wonder.  It was a very special and emotional time for us both.

After the surgery they took your Auntie to get her ready for her hospital room, and they gave me an opportunity to bond with you. First they weighed you, and then they put you on me, skin to skin, with warm blankets so that you could cuddle with your Mama.

I kept asking for your Daddy and wondering if they had told him you were born. They hadn’t. Eventually a nurse came in and said to Wendy, “There’s a man out there wondering if he can come in. I think he is your father. He has on a cowboy hat.”  Well, it wasn’t Auntie’s father, it was mine!  Your Papa Graham was tired of waiting to find out, and being the man he is, he decided to take matters into his own hands and see what was going on.

Papa Graham and Papa Crockett waiting for you to come.

I asked if your Daddy could please come in first and they finally sent for him. When he held you for the first time, he told me he was thinking about how much he loved you and couldn’t wait to take you hiking and camping.

Father and son together for the 1st time.

He was so proud of you. He was so pleased to be your Daddy.

I have to admit, James, that when I heard the waiting room was going to be full of everyone from both my side of the family and your Auntie Wendy’s, I wasn’t sure how I would handle everything. Would I be emotional? Would I be worried that they would want to keep you and be nervous when they held you? All of these feelings I talked to God about beforehand, and when the time came, God took away any fears I had. I was so proud of you and so proud of what your birth Mama had done, that I couldn’t wait for them to see you and hold you. It was an incredible time of joy and sadness all at once. Joy for my side of the family that you were going to be with us, and sadness for your Auntie’s side of the family that you would be leaving to come live with us. They were happy you would have a nice home with a Mommy and Daddy, but sad that they would miss out on the wonder of you as you grew. Here are some of the pictures your Nana Crockett captured of the time:

Uncle Dougie Nutter holding you for the 1st time.

Uncle Matt Nutter holding you for the 1st time.

Nanny Sandy and you enjoying some time together.

Freya (Uncle Douggie's girlfriend and Auntie Wendy's close friend) having a special moment.

Nana Graham and you

Grampy Murray and you.

Almira seeing the fruit of her answered prayers.

Proud Mommy and Daddy

Here are some pictures I took:

Papa and Nana Crockett

Grampy and Grammy Canney. Grampy Jim is who you were named after.

So as you can see, son, there were a lot of people there waiting to see you. In fact, they took up the whole waiting room. There was a lot of love in those precious moments. Everyone was proud of what your birth Mama Wendy had done and grateful to be there in those bittersweet hours. It wasn’t how I had imagined things to be. It was better.

I can’t fully explain what took place that day, but I can say with confidence that God was there bringing two families together who had never met before and enabling them to share in the miracle of you. People may never fully understand the dynamics of our family, son. They may never understand why we continue to invest and grow in our relationship with your birth mom even when it’s difficult, but they don’t need to. God did a special work in our family’s hearts.  I know there will be seasons in our relationship with Wendy and her family as even in this short year there have been, but that all comes with the ebb and flow of life.  Auntie Wendy stayed away for around 8 months because she was finding it hard to be around you. Not because she didn’t want to be with you, but because she loved you so much it hurt. She missed you. She had carried you in her tummy and bonded with you, and she now had to let go and let your Daddy and me bond with you. She chose to give you everything she wanted you to have but wasn’t able to provide for you at that time in her life. She loved you more than her own wants and desires. It takes a remarkable person to do what she did for us son.

Your birth mom Wendy carrying you in her tummy before you were born.

Someday, you will better understand.  The decisions your birth mom Wendy made.  The decisions we have made.  It was all for you. We want you to know where you came from. We want you to know how much you’re loved.

The circumstances surrounding your birth into this world are all a part of an intricate plan that God weaved together. He took what was a complicated circumstance for Wendy’s family and for ours, and he wove it into something beautiful. Something unique.

May you grow up knowing that the world doesn’t revolve around you, son, but that you were meant to make a difference in the world. May you grow up with a heart to serve others, as others had to serve in preparation for your arrival. May you grow up knowing God had a purpose for you, as He does for every baby born no matter how easy or how difficult the circumstances concerning their arrival is. May you grow up knowing that your purpose doesn’t involve living for you, but living for God, for you are covered with His fingerprints. Every time I look at you I see them: the fingerprints of God.

I love you James Benjamin. I always will.

xoxo

Mommy

You see, it seems that we are currently at a stand still as to what we are to do.  Adoption is a long and grueling process with many twists and turns, and depending on what option you choose there are various factors that weigh into the decisions you have to make.  Prior to having James there was no doubt that International adoption was the best option for us…until our agency went bankrupt.  Now when I think about International Adoption I get nervous – not just about an agency but about adoption fees.  There really aren’t that many International adoption agencies within Canada, and when it comes to fees, I currently don’t want to work full time because I want to be home with my son, but since we have a debt we’re trying to pay off and a vehicle we need to save up for, I’m working 2 jobs so that I can be home more and have my weekends (FYI – as a full time teacher I eat, breath, and sleep teaching, so it really isn’t an option for me right now). Currently I substitute teach and then I work part-time as Dave Klob’s assistant at Bethany Bible College in the Music Department. Although it will take longer to pay our debt off and save for things this way, it does give me the flexibility I need to be home with my son.  Yes, I know God can provide the funds for International adoption, but I admit I lack faith after having been burned by an agency that we were encouraged to trust.

Adoption in province, as mentioned before, can take 7-8 years, and after adopting James they bumped us further down the list so we’re back at square one there.  We’ve taken the PRIDE course (adoption of older children) and would consider adopting a child under the age of 5 if the circumstances seemed right, but at the same time, we’d prefer for James to be the oldest (unless the Lord makes it clear otherwise), so we’re at a stand still there as well.

As for me getting pregnant, that’s for the Lord to decide.  Ben and I will have been married for 8 years this coming June. I haven’t been told I can’t get pregnant, but I have been told that I’m at risk for a tubal pregnancy since I only have one “good” tube – if you’d call it that. It’s crooked and bent from the endometriosis and who knows what the disease has done since that diagnosis. We ‘re told we make great candidates for in vitro, but at a cost of $15,000 with a small percentage of actual “take home” circumstances, it never was really an option for us. In fact, that’s why we chose to go International in the first place. If we were going to have to pay a large amount of money, we wanted to put it into children who were already born and in need of a home.

I know God has the power to heal me, but when I look at James I wouldn’t trade him for anything, and so I know that whatever God decides – no matter how long or hard the process may be – that will be what is God’s best for us. And so, right now we feel as though we’re suppose to wait upon the Lord. And as you all know, waiting is hard. I guess the difference in waiting this time is that we have a beautiful, healthy boy to love, cherish and be thankful for. So if for some reason all doors close and our family doesn’t grow, we will continue to count our blessings.  Sometimes people offer their opinions in the midst of your waiting time, and although people mean well, it can be discouraging.  Here are just a few opinions recently given to us:

Comment/Opinion #1 - “You don’t want to adopt in province. Those children have so much baggage. In fact, they could ruin your family. I know of a family whose adopted child ruined them.”  Yes, I have heard the horror stories, but I’ve also heard the success ones – just as I did with a private adoption.  Might I remind you you’re talking to the woman who is friends with her son’s biological mother, and yes, some people still don’t get it.

Comment/Opinion #2 - “You should be thankful for your one. Count your blessings. You shouldn’t become too concerned with having another one.”  Yes, I am thankful for my one. I always will be thankful for James. I have never resented my sleepless nights or tiresome days, and in every season of his growth and development I will love him and cherish him.  Why is it that when we adopt, we are asked to not think about having another and yet when a woman can conceive children people are asking, “So when do you plan to have another one?”  People don’t say, “Be thankful you have one healthy child.  You really shouldn’t try for another.”

Comment/Opinion #3: “International adoption is too risky and too expensive. Why bother.”  Yes, I know this too because we’ve been burned, and I really don’t know if I can get my mind settled on it again.  God will have to make it VERY clear if that is what we are to do, so that I don’t get discouraged by opinions such as these.

In all honesty, I really don’t want James to be an only child.  Maybe that’s selfish of me for wanting more than one child.  Yet “Is anything too difficult for the Lord?”  Genesis 18:14.  No.  It isn’t.  Have you met my son James? Have you heard how God brought him to us?  When I look at how God brought James into our lives, no matter how shaky my faith may seem right now when it comes to a sibling for him, I have to believe.  I know God will lay the ground work and prepare our hearts for this next phase of our journey – whatever the outcome.  The outcome may not be what we want or how we had imagined things to be, but in time, God will enable us to see that His way is best.  He did it before, and He will do it again.  He will prove himself faithful.

And for the record – Ben and I would do it all over again.  The doctor’s appointments, the surgery, the various adoption sessions, the bankrupt agency, the private adoption..EVERY SINGLE STEP was worth it.  We love you James Benjamin.  To God be the glory.

Carolyn McMillen was on the phone, and I found out later she was responding to the Lord’s prompting to phone me that particular morning. She could have phoned me Beulah week when she had received a word from the Lord concerning us, but she was so sensitive to His timing that it had to be this morning. She told me that she had been heavily praying and fasting on our behalf since I had testified in church some time ago about our situation with waiting to have children, and that recently when she had come before the Lord, He had given her such an incredible joy, she couldn’t even pray. She could only rejoice. She told me, “Sarah, I really believe that in the next year the Lord is going to bless you with a child.”

What does one say to that?  After all of the medical appointments, the adoption seminars, and the devastating news of our agency going bankrupt a week before on July 13, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with the news.  My heart was very guarded, so guarded, I had no intentions of telling Ben right away.  I wanted to ponder things within my heart and ask God why I would receive such a phone call.  That was 8:30 AM.

10:30 AM I received a second phone call.  This time is was Almira Robinson.

“Sarah are you sitting down?”

I knew then that God was really up to something. With the first phone call I was skeptical.  With the second phone call He really had my attention.  Yet even then I wasn’t expecting the news I was about to receive.  I just thought Almira was going to reconfirm my earlier phone call, but she went on to tell me that there was a woman in her office whose daughter was pregnant and looking for a good Christian home for the baby.  Would I be interested in meeting a young pregnant lady by the name of Wendy?

One year ago today, I was a mixture of excitement, nervousness, and wonder as I reflected on how God could change things within a matter of a week after years of praying.

One year ago today, I e-mailed some close friends to pray about our upcoming meeting with Wendy.

One year ago today, Almira said she knew we were meant to be parents because of that 8:30 AM phone call and the way things occurred.  She had the faith to believe it would happen, while I continued to have doubts and fears for some time throughout the next few months.

One year ago today, I received 2 phone calls that would change the course of our lives forever.

I am so thankful for those two phone calls.

Things to praise God for:

* James’ good health.

* We received our lawyer bill from Wendy’s lawyer, and it wasn’t as much as we had anticipated.  It came to $802.30.  We are thankful that it wasn’t higher and that we have the funds to pay it at this time.

* Pregnancies – I pray for a number of couples struggling with infertility, and I’m happy to report that a couple of them are now expecting!  I always get teary eyed when someone sends me their good news!   Whether it’s a pregnancy or adoption that comes through for these various couples, remember that there are so many of them out there still waiting to become parents or hoping to have a sibling for the little one they may already be blessed with.

Things to pray for:

* Almira – She is the lovely woman who connected us with Wendy.  She is currently in the hospital battling cancer, and since she is a US citizen she doesn’t have access to medicare.

* Lawyer fees from our lawyer – that they won’t be too high and that we’ll have the money at hand to pay for them

* Paperwork- Ben is speaking at a RiverSide Senior High Youth camp in Maine, and James and I would like to be able to go with him.  In order to do so we need various documents including a birth certificate which may be harder to obtain since James is not yet legally a Canney.  Please pray that things will work out so that I can accompany Ben as I would hate to miss out!  Please also pray for Ben as he has 8 messages to prepare.

* A speedy court date so James can officially become a Canney and we can then dedicate him in church

We continue to keep in contact with Wendy.  We haven’t visited with her for awhile as she needed some time away.  As you can well imagine, with Mother’s Day and such, there has been a lot Wendy has had to work through.  Continue to pray for her as well.  We want so much for her to have a blessed life.

I’ll try to update more regularly (“whatever Sarah…” you’re thinking).  I really do need to get back on track as there are some other things in the works for prayer, and I love to write.  I feel as though these past 4 months I’ve been enjoying motherhood and sorting through a great deal of things which include priorities in my life. Thanks for sticking with me through it all!  And now, for those of you who don’t have facebook, some pictures!

May 16, 2010 - Enjoying a Sunday with my little man!

May 17, 2010 - Meeting his buddy Grayson Thornton for the 1st time. This gives you an idea of how big our boy James is getting! He was once even smaller than Grayson.

June 2, 2010 - Trying to sit up on his own!

June 8, 2010 - "Perhaps laying on my belly isn't so bad after all!"

June 12, 2010 - Enjoying some time at Papa & Nana Crockett's on the deck!

June 13, 2010 - James got to enjoy his 1st camp fire!

“In my openness God has brought people into my life that have been able to relate or who are working through the process of possible infertility. I have been entrusted with this – whether it be for a time or for my life, and you know what? I’m okay. It’s okay if I can’t conceive. You can hope it for me and pray it for me – as I still do so myself, but ultimately the Lord will have His way, and His way will be the best way for me. I have to admit, in my state of sadness in the hospital I apologized to my husband as the reality that fertility was harder to grasp was on my mind, but he wouldn’t have it. He loves me – body issues and all, and he is actually excited about adopting – what a blessing! On the way home, my heart ached. I so desperately want to be a mom. But my journey is not in vain. It’s been given to me to make me stronger.

How could I ever question God? The same God who opened the womb of Sarah in the Old Testament, the same God who parted the red sea, the same God who healed the lame, is the same God who is in my life today. He will not give me more than I can bear.”

Now, 2 years later I have a beautiful healthy son who will be 2 months old tomorrow. It seemed as if out of nowhere, God brought James’ birth mom, Wendy, into our lives. When I look back I can see how He fit the pieces of this puzzle together, and I am simply amazed. This is now my new kind of normal:

-Waking up to the stirring of a little one who is waiting to eat and listening to him coo and look at me wide eyed while he drinks his meal.

-Seeing my husband off to work and trying to juggle house work with personal interests in amongst feedings and playing with James.

-Spending evenings with my husband and our son be it home or going out to eat/shop/walk.

-Making more of an effort to have time for myself so that I can be the best I can be at being a wife and mother.

-Thanking God every day for this blessing and praying that He will continue to bless, for I truly believe that James isn’t meant to be an only child.  How God chooses to bless next will be in His time once again, but by faith I am believing it will happen.

I find it interesting that people assume that after all of the struggles I’ve had to become a mom, they assume that I may not want to adopt again.  I suppose that’s normal. Perhaps others of you who have adopted have found that people just figure you are content with one child. Of course I am content with one child, and I assure you I count James a blessing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t dream of more – that I won’t dream of James looking out for a younger brother or sister or of seeing my children (plural) playing outside. I won’t lose hope for myself, and I won’t lose hope for my other friends who have one child and would like another or especially for those who have yet to receive their first born.

Teaching is temporarily on hold.  Substitute teaching will come eventually, but it will be limited to a few days a week. Raising my son is my top priority at present along with making sure Ben and I find time for each other in amongst our ever busy lives. We have always been busy people, so really, this just adds to the busyness. One could see it as an added bonus and challenge. It’s just a matter of re-prioritizing things, and we certainly wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m signed up for a baby making food class in May and am looking forward to getting involved in other activities to get to know other moms and kids within the community. I have a new “in” that I didn’t have before and since I’m a social bug, it’ll be a great way for me to get out of the house with James.

We finished our home study this past Tuesday.  Our case worker is excellent (as all of them seemed to have been) and has already sent the draft for us to read over.  We will sign it next Thursday and then it will be presented to a panel in Saint John on April 13. Once approved it will go to our lawyer and then we’ll hopefully receive a court date so that James can officially become a Canney! We’re not sure what our lawyer fees are yet. In speaking with some other friends who adopted privately, their lawyer fees were $2000, so we’re estimating that by paying our fees and Wendy’s we’re looking at at least $2000-$4000, maybe even more. Thus far we’ve received $595 in money for gifts and we have an additional $600 in the bank that was donated to us for International Adoption before (it was what was left after other adoption fees/expenses), so we have about $1195 for lawyer fees thus far. We are trusting that God will provide.  He has been already.  What we haven’t received in monetary gifts, we’ve received in clothes and other necessities. Really, the first large purchase of clothes I bought for James were just this past week for Easter (and I bought a few other dress clothes that were on sale for half price for when he is bigger).  Sometimes when I look at the bank account I feel a bit stressed as me staying home has made a difference in income, but 2 months in and God hasn’t failed us yet.  Our needs are being supplied and we know He will continue to be faithful.

Well, that’s the latest update for now. Thanks for your continued interest and support in our lives. Now on with some pictures!

James loves playing on the floor. Here he is at approx. 6 weeks old, enjoying some play time!

Stylin' in some Diesel clothes from friends Carmin & Dan Bortner from New York City!

James' cousin Owen seems quite pleased with himself as he's holding him. It won't be long and the two of them will be chasing after each other!

James' cousin Ivory was born in December and he's almost as big as her now. What a big boy!

Spending time with Auntie Wendy, Uncle Dougie, and Freyah for Wendy's 21st birthday

Sleeping with Grumpy Bear at his cousin Arianna's 4th Birthday party

Weighing in at 11 pounds 12 ounces! March 27, 2010

His 11 lbs seems quite small compared to Pooh the cat's 20!

Modeling a new house coat given to him at one of his baby showers.

In the car seat and ready to go Easter shopping with mom and dad!